The UMNO Delusion

    An account of how UMNO members are dealing with change


    In the aftermath of General Election 14, the UMNO rank and file members are still in a state of shock. They wake up every day, look at the framed pictures of them kissing the hands of various UMNO national leaders, priceless memorabilia amassed over the decades. In UMNO the distance to leaders is an important measurement.

    This may look simple but it is actually more difficult than it seems.

    Every year we must be closer” he says.

    He picks up the newspaper to see Lim Guan Eng on the front cover.. He blinks for a moment ““Hey u just take care of Penang ok and don’t challenge the Malays”

    UMNO needs leaders who can carry a big stick.

    So what is the plan for today?

    He wants to see the District Officer and demand some land conversion. And he better start to make preparations to go to PWTC to participate in the Annual Festival called “Perhimpunan Agung UMNO” or PAU. Maybe this time somebody will ask the Prime Minister to make PAU a national holiday>

    They will be given kain pelikat, spending money and accommodation at expensive hotels. The attention of the entire world will be centred on PWTC during that period. Many friends will renew acquaintances  and  may be able to ‘pao’ some Ministers for projects. Some may even get to visit some Karaoke lounges but will be restricted to drinking coffee.

    And most importantly, they will not need to think. No need to engage the mind, just follow what Dear Leader says. If he says raise your right hand, we will raise the right hand. If he says to shout “Hidup UMNO” three times, we will shout “Hidup UMNO”. If someone says stand up to thank Najib, we will …

    Wait a minute.


    That name sounds familiar. Nah-jib. Nah-jib…

    Oh yes – I remember now its Jibby!

    Jibby 1MDB.

    1MDeeBee. 1 M Dee Bee.

    “Why is it my blood is starting to boil? After all I am simple kampong guy and the Government said there is no need to worry. It is all fitnah pembangkang (lies from the Opposition). Lucky there is this fake news law.”

    That Indian guy – Arul Kanda. And then there is Apandi. And KBAB. And the Ministers. And Sharizat.

    “Moooooooooo!” he blurts out. “What is wrong with this Wanita?”

    But all of them say good things about Nah-jib. Nah-jib is innocent.

    But now Jibby is no more. He has “died” politically. Maybe we can all organise a trip to Kuala Lumpur to pay respects at Langgak Duta.

    Some of them want to enquire whether they can get some contract from the Defence Ministry. Maybe Jibby still has cable there. Uniform contract or some small project.

    Then we will drop into PWTC and see Zahid Hamidi. Can try to some supply deal with the Home Ministry. After all they just met this Dastagir guy from Masjid India who says he can bring in 10,000 workers. He says he will pay 1,000 per worker for the Approval.

    “Ah this one is easy lah. Zahid Hamidi is my good friend. I know him for many donkey…sorry cow years. The last time I met him , he rubbed my belly”

    But he is kedekut – never gives money like Nah-jib.

    After all this UMNO – Cash is King you know.

    And that point, the UMNO supporter closes his eyes.

    *“Aah tengah syiok ni. Saya tak beri laluan”

    This dream is too good to snap out of.

    *A saying made popular by MP for Pasir Salak and UMNO Vice President Nominee




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