Rembau Times calls every seat in Peninsular Malaysia. (Updated)

16
7419

BREAKING NEWS: NAJIB ANNOUNCES PUBLIC HOLIDAYS ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY IF BN WINS. THE REMBAU TIMES PREDICTED IN LATE APRIL THAT HE WOULD ANNOUNCE HOLIDAYS ON THURSDAY AND FRIDAY – NOT TOO FAR OFF, BUT WE SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR MON OR TUES..AIYAAH. 

OUR VERDICT – HE HIT THE PANIC BUTTON HE HE HE!

On the eve of the Election, The Rembau Times lays its reputation on the line by making its call on every seat in this General Election. Some will be excited, some will mortified – let us now get down to The Rembau Call.

The Rembau Times Call on GE14

A #TsunamiPHitnah Production

PERLIS

PH claws back after conceding a first half goal.

Sleepy, reliable Perlis. The place that always delivered 3-0 victories to BN since time immemorial. BN starts with its usual P001 Padang Besar victory, but this time it comes very late and only after a massive fight by PH. PH however scores 2 important victories, securing P002 and P003 in the Parliament. BN leaders are shocked, but still composed.

KEDAH – Tsunami hits Kedah at 11:56 am. Many BN candidates burried under tonnes of votes. Hotline established  1800 25 25.

In Kedah, BN leaders look and look again. The entire scoreboard is flashing red. PDM after PDM, state seat after seat falls to Pakatan Harapan. In the end, Pakatan Harapan completely decimates BN in the state, leaving Jo Derhaka as the only survivor in Kubang Pasu.  PH scores an amazing  14 – 1 victory. Najib is visibly shocked and many BN leaders slump in their chair. The score is now 16 – 2 in favour of PH.

Kedahans send BN packing, giving PH a strong lead.

KELANTAN – Tok Pa finally delivers a strong victory

In Kelantan, Najib sees a ray of hope. The promised advantage of a 3 way contest finally comes BN way as they destroy “the PAS” in their home state.  The score is decidedly in favour of BN with 10 wins. However, Pakatan Harapan scores 4 wins.

Kelantan gives BN the first piece of good news. They sweep through the state ending decades of rule by “the PAS.”

TERENGGANU – BN wins, but Pakatan Harapan is not far behind. Hadi loses Marang.

BN wins the state 5 – 3 versus Pakatan Harapan. But BN is now running out of safe states before the onslaught from the West Coast.

PENANG – A total wipeout for “Old Blue”

In hindsight it was clear why the Penang UMNO chief refused to stand for the election. Hopes are always low when it comes to Penang, but this is ridiculous as Pakatan Harapan steam rolls right through. Only Kepala Batas withstands the Tsunami Rakyat. PH smashes BN 12 – 1 in the Pearl of the Orient. Crowds begin to congregate around Pakatan Harapan HQ (wherever that is going to be). At this point, it suddenly dawns on BN leaders that the game is over. Some enterprising officer places an Interpol Red Notice alert on Jho Low.

Penang was a massive landslide for Pakatan Harapan. A total wipeout for ‘Old Blue.’ Kepala Batas remains BN by the skin of their teeth.

PERAK

 Nazri falls in Padang Rengas.

At Perak, Zambry gains one for the home team by winning Lumut, but elsewhere its all light blue, light blue, light blue. PH sweeps through the state, winning it 15-9. The mosquito party delivers a fatal sting to the Tourism Minister.

Totally BN now realize its all over.

PAHANG 

In the heart of Najibland, PH earns a high scoring draw.

Pahang – the home state of the Prime Minister. This was supposed to be Najib-land, a place that will remain ‘Old Blue’ regardless of what. Going into the elections, all eyes was on the famous Pahang VIP corridor that stretched from the lakes of Bera to the tea plantations of Cameron Highlands. However, the land is hot and the lava boils up throwing a few VIPs overboard to a political watery grave. The Prime Minister survives – but many other “brave” kleptocrats gave up their political lives defending Putrajaya.

Pahang VIP corridor sees some casualties.

SELANGOR

Selangor is blue, forever blue, only sky blue like Man Citeh

In Selangor, Pakatan Harapan crushes BN 19 to 3. The defeat is total and massive. Noh Omar says he will need 5 more years.

WILAYAH PERSEKETUAN

Putrajaya misti dipertahankan.

Everywhere else can go and die!

NEGERI SEMBILAN

In Negeri, Pakatan Harapan improves and claims a historic victory in Jempol. In the end its an action packed 4-4 draw. Khairy survives in Rembau but his majority is cut to 1,500 votes.

An exciting match that ends with an injury time equalizer in the no mans land of Tampin

MELAKA

Melaka fights back to stem the #TsunamiPHitnah. They make a brave defense but PHitnahers has messed big with Melaka. Final score 3 – 3, one senior BN politician is stretchered off after receiving a career threatening tackle from behind. SPR Referee orders the  offenders face painted over.

3-3 draw, BN on the back foot.

 

(Warning : Graphic content with extreme violence. Dedak eaters may be offended.)

FORTRESS JOHOR

…OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN…OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN…

Leading into the campaign, the talk in Johor by the BN supporters was very bullish. They said even Tan Sri Muhiyiddin may not survive in Pagoh. However, PH superior tactics allowed them to seize key strongholds in the state as they swept along the North South Highways and its surrounding districts. They however refused to pay toll along the way.

May day mayhem for BN candidates in Johor, predicts The Rembau Times.

PH can now form a Federal Government , and many classes spring up teaching people how to ‘cry crocodile tears.’ In Petra Jaya, the white haired one (‘Pek Moh’) reaches for his phone to place a call to congratulate an old friend….

Not just news, not even fake news, just tomorrow’s news today.

This has been a TsunamiPHitnah production. 

 

16 COMMENTS

  1. Dear Editor,
    I prefer a more conservative prediction but am eager to find yours to be correct, or at least 90% correct. Thanks for *Rembau Times’ coverage leading up to today. Enjoyed reading your views and analyses. Now, let’s brace for impact.

    *RT – any connection to the other RT, Russia Today?he he

    Yours,
    ABf

    • otrubi (source ggl)..am looking forward to tonite’s results
      anything above 95% and i’ll call you a genius
      cheers from all here at the Ampangan Post

  2. Very very very optimistic, Sir.

    PH 111 BN 52 IND 1

    It all now falls in the hands of the rural voters. Pray they will do the right thing.

    Voter turn out in KL has been outstanding this early morning. A lot more coming out (especially young voters) vs GE13.

  3. In your previous posts, as recent as last week, you predicted that PH will win two-thirds majority and win all states in Peninsular Malaysia. You mentioned that some event that took place in February 2017 which led you to that conviction.

    Any reason for the latest change in your prediction?

    • I purposely wanted to make one mistake he he.. if i get 100 per cent ppl will call me arrogant. Just joking, actually its a typo, i have updated.

LEAVE A REPLY